Frozen Obsession

So a lot of people don't understand my obsession with Frozen, so I thought I would explain. WARNING. Really long explanation.



My sister and I really relate to the characters in the story. Now I don't have secret ice powers or anything, but for a lot of my life I lived in fear and honestly didn't get to close to anyone to protect myself from being hurt. I struggle with and work really hard at being transparent and not disguising who I am with white lies. I've been working hard to wear everything on my sleeve, so when I am fully exposed I won't be ashamed. I don't let anyone close; it might seem like i do, but i don't normally. So if you are close it's a big deal. And I see these traits in Elsa, she hides things and never lets anyone close, she lies and hides her powers. Conceal, don't feel. But then she realizes letting go of those precious secrets will truly set her free. She doesn't have to live in fear anymore.

Also my sister and I have literally had almost the same exact relationship as Elsa and Anna. We used to be best friends when we were little, then we faded apart when I went to high school, until about a year and a half ago. I love Brianna with all my heart, and she's gone through a lot and I wasn't always there for her like I should've been. I spent a ton of time in my room whenever I was home, and now I'm constantly at work or school to avoid being home. But i realized by separating myself from that home environment, I was separating myself from her. Elsa was separated from her sister and she didn't know how to fix it. It tore her to pieces inside, it caused a storm inside that she could never escape. But once she reached a certain age, she realized that she might not be able to fix the problem, but she didn't have to hide to fix it. She became herself and realized being proud of who she was wasn't a wrong thing to do. She didn't have to hide who she was to get her parents acceptance, because that's who she was and they loved her no matter who she was.

I am terrified of never seeing my sister again, or not being there when she needs me. I love her so much, like more than words can ever describe. I've had people comment on us, and say they had no idea sisters were so loving towards one another, but it's because we missed so much time together and I'm terrified of her being gone from my life. I think Elsa and Anna feel the same way, maybe not for the same reasons, but a lot of our feelings are the same. So I'm sorry that we both post about it all the time, but that is why.

You know the Feeling?

You know that feeling of being absolutely, completely, undeniably free? I feel that right now.

Lately, there has been a lot going on in my life, and it has really been taxing on me. I stopped going to church because I felt hated and ostracized. I somehow drove everyone I loved away, and I had no idea what I did.  I literally felt completely and utterly alone. I mean I have felt lonely before, but never this happened. I honestly thought the only people who cared about me anymore were my family. No one wanted to hangout with me so I would cover hours at work or simply actually go home and be with my family. I started cussing. I started sexting some guy in England, because he said I was beautiful and that he loved me. I never in a million years thought I would be 'one of those girls' who would say 'I love you' to a complete stranger and send him tempting pictures simply because he asked. I remember thoughts streaming through my head saying I didn't have to do this, and yet I did it anyway. I made the excuse that I was rebelling out of pain or that I was the typical teenager, testing how far I could go until someone would notice and care or tell me to stop. But that never happened. No one told me to stop. No one knew. No one even suspected. My whole life I've struggled telling the truth. I lie a lot. Mainly to cover up that I did something wrong, or to somehow make myself cooler; or to prove something.

 Yeah, we're dating. Of course I can get a boyfriend."
 "Of course, I've gone to the races. I'm not as white and sheltered as you think."

But the thing is, none of this was ever good enough. I was still not cool enough. I still have no friends. I still feel like no one cares about me or wants me around. But that doesn't matter.

Now we've all heard this. If you haven't, you're probably lying.

If the Son has set you free, then you are free indeed.

I've heard those words my entire life. After I blocked my 'lover' on Snapchat, I felt so guilty. I felt so sinful, so evil. My friend and I were recently talking about the end times, and our conversation honestly really scared me. He kept mentioning how if you're not saved for the rapture then you're not going that way. And it got me thinking, am I a Christian? God used to use me so powerfully, what happened? Why would he have used me so mightily if he didn't want me in his kingdom? If I was just going to go off and sin and never come back? No. I don't think so. I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was three, and have reconfirmed multiple times. I still don't know, but I think if God has written your name in the Book of Life, he's not going to erase it. Once you are saved, you are saved. If the Son has set you free, then you are free indeed. But that's the thing, God loves me. God wants me. Everyone says I know who holds my future, and now I am reminded that he really does hold my future. I don't have to be scared of going to hell, because God holds my future. He said if I am free, I am free.

I kept trying to figure out what I needed to do, for people to love me again. Did I need to cry and weep before them or beg their undying mercy so I could come to church again? I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do.

All I'm supposed  to do, is walk away from my chains, walk away from the struggles at work or school or church, and let God deal with it. I don't need to feel guilty, to be forgiven. Isn't the king's opinion far greater than that of a previous sinner? And that verse about loving your enemies, sometimes your 'enemies' are people in your church or job. You need to love them. You need to love those who hurt you, especially them. You need to forgive them, and know that you are forgiven. You don't have to keep sinning because that's what everyone expects from you, you don't have to do anything. It was my choice to say no more to sexting, it's my choice to say I don't want to cuss anymore.

 It's my choice to have faith and believe that I Am Free. it's my choice to walk in freedom, whether the people around me think I'm free or not. If God says I'm free, I'm free. I don't need the people in my church to tell me I'm not free, because I haven't done what they want. They are not my God. When I am free, I am free. I can pray, without condemnation. I can worship wherever I want. I can smile with joy whenever I want. I don't need permission to be free.

I feel this joy inside me, that I just can't contain. I am His, and He is mine. I'm free, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I feel free.

Nivlag

You say you're fine, okay that's cool. But baby if you only knew.
My heart and mind race in
an endless chase of thoughts and dreams.
I think about you daily, while you guard your heart it seems.
All those words I said, I didn't mean.
The world is pushing and screaming in my head,
so much sometimes I wish I was dead.
But out of all those thoughts,
the one that plagues me most,
is the thought that You might hate me,
And I become your ghost.

I say all the time 'the past is the past' yet yours I somehow didn't let go.
Some say I'll be better off without you, and some say 'I told you so',
I made a mistake, you of all people should know.
Please don't push me away,
With your permission I'd like to stay.
During this whole ordeal, I've come to realize this one thing.
You're the one who makes my heart sing,
With everything we have been through,
I have fallen deeply in love with you.

So here it is, I hope you understand,
I plead before thee,
Please provide a second chance,
please forgive me?

Mission Colorado & The Cross and the Switchblade [august 11-17, 2013]

This past week I was able to be part of an outreach called Mission Colorado for our youth at the Springs Church here in Colorado Springs. There were thirteen or so teens on the trip and it was absolutely awesome.

For the first three days, we were privileged  to put on a sports camp in the inner city for kids in the neighborhood around Hillside Community Center. We were able to teach them sports, perform skits, do crafts, share the gospel, and just love on these kids. It was such a big deal to the kids that we cared about them and that we truly loved them even though we barely knew them. Kids should never have to go through what these kids have and it was awesome to just bless them in any way we could. 

Levi, Briel, Melissa, and I were on the VBS Skit team which was super fun. I got to play Bridgett, the tall and the hungry (which describes me perfectly for all who were wondering). 

Our two mascots, Zipper and Kevin, and Sue the Plutonian

Explaining the 6 days of creation in one of our VBS Skits

During the afternoons, we were determined to do street evangelism or jut hand out flyers for Cross & the Switchblade or just more flyers for the sports camp. However, God had different plans in mind. It started to rain. It basically rained every day in the afternoon. A lot of us were discouraged since we really wanted to do our dramas but even while the team was dancing outside Chipotle we were able to share the love of Jesus by dancing and buying a guy a burrito.

It rained while we were wanting to do street evangelism in Downtown Colorado Springs.

On the last day of the sports camp, after we had cleaned up everything we went to Manitou and instead of doing dramas like we had wanted we got to serve in a different way. The city had been flooded and several of the shop owners had lost almost everything. So we got to get in there and clean up. We ended up shoveling and sweeping and pushing mud out of the basement of a store called YoYo Loco. All the buildings on the street had people cleaning out the wreckage. 

My job was emptying the buckets filled with mud into the river behind the shop.

Our state has gone through so much within the last years from the fires to the shooting to the flooding. God had arranged for us to go do demolition in Southern Colorado Springs in a doctor's office which will be made into a Mexican restaurant in the years to come. We ripped out carpet and more carpet and lots of carpet. The next day we got to take out a wall. Mrs. Roberts [Levi's Mom] was a huge blessing! She took care of us with whatever we needed and wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty. She worked harder than all of us. 

On Thursday was our demolition day. We got to go to a former doctor's office and basically take it apart. The first day we ripped out carpet and more carpet and cleaned up trash and ripped out carpet. Our hands were so sore afterwords but it was definitely worth it. The next day we got to tear down a wall which was everyone's favorite part. It was hard to take turns. We worked with a young man named Orlando who ended up coming to the show on Saturday. I think he was the doctor's son or something like that. The doctor who owned the place and wanted to make it a restaurant was apparently almost in tears because of the amount of work we got done. 

During the week, we passed out flyers for The Cross & The Switchblade which was a production about the radical salvation of the ex-gang leader Nicky Cruz and the faith of David Wilkerson. This show was on Broadway and we ended up flying 80 something actors from New York to Colorado. I ended up watching the show all three times it played here. Several people were saved and God was waiting for every single one of them. This play and the actors are truly blessed and covered in the blood of Jesus. It was so awesome to to get to know them as they hung out at our church. It was really hard for me not to assume that the actors were the same people as their characters. I was able to pull a few strings and get some pictures with these guys. They were so encouraging and they make me want to live in New York.

Moses Ruperto, who played Nicky Cruz, and I. We were introduced three times so we just had to get a picture.

This guy right here is so cool. He gets so involved with his character and just has a maturity of faith about him that makes you just want to listen to what he says.

Mission Colorado was such a blast and there's so much I could say about it and there are so many stories to tell but it's really hard to capture all that God did. We probably will never the full extent of how much we served until we reach eternity. We were blessed to be able to bless the people in our own city and to share the love of God which really is all that matters.

Day Four [monday] 06-17-13

Today was another sight seeing day which so far it seems like that's all we're doing even though we have done quite a bit of ministry. Sam left us last night for a pastor's convention or something but I don't know if we'll see him again well we are on this trip. It was sad to say good bye. He's so full of energy and life that he just makes you happy whenever you're around him. Whenever I would see him he would never seem serious he might a little subdued for a minute or two but that would soon pass and he would be smiling again.

Anyways Tim who helps at ECC took us around London to see the sites. We rode the tube for most of the day which is like the American subway. When we first got to the Tube Station, Andrea and Tim said that the tube is very fast and waits for no one so if we didn't get on when we were supposed to we could very well could have become lost in London. She assigned Moos as the caboose since he'd been there so we call just called him CaMoos. Regan would occasionally back up and walk with him but not very often. He just seemed so lonely back there. None of us got lost though probably because none of us wanted to get left behind.

I think the second tube we jumped on we all rushed to get inside since we were all scared of not making it on. However all of us jumped onto one car but little Adam jumped onto the car next to ours with no one else he knew on it. So as we were riding to our next stop I look over and this is all I see. Creeper much?

Throughout the day we went to Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, and Buckingham Palace. As soon as we came out of the tube station: BOOM! You saw Big Ben staring right at you with the gorgeous building underneath.
It's amazing to me how close a lot of the famous buildings we saw or have heard of are to one another.

 After we took several pictures with Big Ben and clearly marked ourselves as tourists we headed on to the next big thing: Westminster Abbey. It is absolutely gorgeous and pictures could never capture the true beauty of this chapel. However it cost something like 40 pounds to go in so we stuck with just admiring the outside. The line to go inside also wrapped around the building. Next door however there was a little Chapel, St. Mark's I think which didn't cost anything. So we went in there however after I snapped one picture of this chapel one of my team mates showed the no photography sign. Oops! Oh well. It was still beautiful. Sadly I can't download the pictures from my mind onto the computer screen though.

It was cool to think about how people have been going to this church and praying for hundreds and hundreds of years. Again, who knows who could have walked inside that very chapel just like I did. There was also a wall of candles. Tim explained to me that when you say a prayer there your supposed to light a candle and put it along side the others sitting there. It was really pretty to see the candle light reflecting off the mural of our Savior painted on the wall behind.

We then jumped on the tube again for another short trip. Once we exited this station we happened upon this beautiful park but we had no idea where we were going, well at least I didn't know where we going. I thought to myself while we walked how perfect this park was and how sad it was that crime might occur here when the darkness closes in. For now the paths were perfectly lined and rows of tall strong trees and we simply treaded on. I doubt anyone truly marveled at this park like how it deserved. They might have been more focused on our destination than on their journey.

We eventually came upon a really pretty fence that looked pretty familiar so we walked down to the sidewalk opening to cross the street and then I saw it. We had walked to Buckingham Palace. No one had told me so I was in complete shock. Sadly I didn't take a picture of myself in front of it which makes me feel stupid now that I think about it. I guess I'll just have to go back and get a picture with it. Anyways we sat outside this palace for a little bit and just enjoyed the atmosphere. To think this was the place that royalty visits all the time. I remember seeing William and Katherine waving from the balcony when they got married.

Buckingham Palace

Buckingham Gate

Buckingham Fountain?

We also went shopping all before we had to go back to ECC for their Monday Night Prayer Meeting which we were leading. The prayer meeting was good. Cameron played piano and sang beautifully as usual. I so wish I could sound like that just so easily and effortlessly like Cameron does. Anne led the meeting and we followed their daily prayer guide. I got up and prayed on the mic once which was good.

Day Two [saturday] 06-15-13

Today we went to the church and had rehearsals for three hours which was kinda weird since the other choir wasn't with us but it was still good. I loved it! I just wish I had a better voice or a voice people would like to listen to. The church is actually located in a restored theater in Ealing. It looks like one of those buildings from the 1920's. If it had vintage theater chairs I could totally picture one of our American stars from the golden era performing up there.

 After rehearsals, Sam and his beautiful sassy wife Rachel took us on the town. We had kebabs which apparently are really popular in the UK. Then we drove out to see Windsor Castle and shop a little bit at the shops near the castle. The castle was super cool and I couldn't help but think about the tales of knights and princesses I had grown up listening to as a kid. To think royalty walked this same cobblestone street or through these majestic carpeted halls. Apparently there was a royal family member at the castle that day since there was a flag flying but sadly it wasn't queen. It is rumored though that Windsor is one of her favorite places to stay though.

When we first got there it was pouring rain but it lightened up as we drove up to the castle and then stopped leaving the ground nice and moist. It was strictly prohibited to take pictures inside the castle though but for different reasons than you might think. We were told that we weren't allowed to take pictures because most of the furniture, decorating, etc. was actually copyrighted. Most of the team couldn't afford the castle or just didn't want to go inside with us so they went shopping. The boys love shopping Cameron and Regan most I think. We walked out of one store and Regan walked in and told us that he just had to get this one pair of nice shoes before they closed. It was super funny. I'm pretty sure for the rest of the trip they will be teased about how they shop more than anyone I know.

Me in front of the entrance to Windsor Castle

Now we were allowed to take pictures of the grounds since there is nothing they can do to stop you from doing so, so we took hundreds of pictures outside.

Or even imagine this castle under attack at night. The stars twinkling overhead while underneath torches blazed and shouts filled the night. The Brits would now be called to defend their prize, Windsor.

As we toured we prayed for the future of this country. We prayed that good decisions would be made to improve their lives. We prayed that these people would cherish their history as they advance into the future.

Later that night we walked down the streets to a quaint little fish and chips shop, okay maybe not so quaint. It was next to the river though which did make it more appealing. There were nearly a dozen swans gathering near the docks begging for food from passers by. We also saw boats sail down to the dock and then float away. On one occasion when the boat stopped we saw this bride and her wedding procession come out. However it would not be what you think, for this bride was from India so she was wearing a silk vibrant orange sahri. She and her groom walked down the dock and then along the edge of the river into the distance. We were all memorized because of the unusuality of this happening. After they left we soon went back to our fish and chips. Then the boys went on to feed the swans.

Moates feeding the swans with Andrea cracking up in the background

 Overall it really was a good day to just relax and kinda recover from jetlag.

The Swans near the boat

Wales Prayer Calendar

Alright my prayer warriors here it is! The director of my trip helped create this day by day calendar for us all to pray through while we're in Wales. I am so excited and thank you so much for all of your prayer and support!!!!!

June 13/Thursday   Pray as team sets out, that God will bless this trip in a special way.  We pray that there will be no delays in their travel schedule, that their luggage arrives safely with them, and that each team member will be able to rest during their time on the plane.  Psalm 34:8

June 14/Friday   Arrive London.   Pray that each of the team members will remain healthy and strong now, and through the duration of this trip.  Job11: 18,19

Pray for unity as the team begins to serve the Body of Christ.   Psa 133: 1-3

June 15/Saturday    London -Pray that each member have on the full armor of God, Ephesians 6:13-18.  Again, pray for unity as the team spends time in rehearsal, and prayer walking today.  Colossians 2:2…that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love.

June 16/Sunday    London -Team leading worship at Elim Christian Center today.  Pray that each team member will have the full anointing of God – that they will minister boldly, wisely and passionately as they serve today.  1 John 2:27

June 17, Monday   London -Pray that each team member would remember that they carry Jesus’ light within them everywhere they go.  Let your light, Lord Jesus, shine brightly, drawing others to you.   Ephesians 5:8-10.  Some sightseeing today,  pray for fun, laughter and great fellowship.

June 18, Tuesday   Today as the team is travelling to Cardiff, pray that the Lord would give them ears to hear what the Spirit is saying about their specific purpose.  John 10:3-5

June 19, Wednesday   Cardiff –Prayer tour of the city -  Pray that the Word of God would go forth to accomplish the Father’s purposes.  Psalm 119, Ephesians 6:17

June 20, Thursday    Wales – mini tour (Moriah Chapel and Ffald-y-Brenin).   Pray that the “winds of revival” would be stirred as team tours/and prays over different cities in Wales.   Let a spirit of “expectation” be on each person.  Acts 2:17, Acts 4:31, Romans 13:11, Gen. 1:2

June 21, Friday    Ministry at Aberystwyth Elim (church) – pray that the team would be a blessing to this church body.  Pray that they would have a servant’s heart as they reach out in ministry.  Romans 12:1, Galatian 5:13.

Team travels back to Cardiff.  This will be a long day for team.  Pray for God to bring refreshment and renewal to team.  Psa. 1:3

June 22, Saturday   Cardiff – Ministry at City Temple – worship training day.  Pray for a “joyful heart” as team does this training.  Psa. 98:6,  Isaiah 55:12, 2 Chron. 29:30

June 23, Sunday   Cardiff- Ministry at City Temple Services – Pray for Brad as he leads worship and preaches.  Evening services – Daniel, Angela,  Anne and April preach – pray for anointing for each of them.  Let the teams worship in Spirit and in truth, and giving all glory to You, Lord Jesus.  Psalm 29:2,  Psalm 33: 1-3

June 24, Monday   Cardiff – Songwriting with Elim Sound (Brad and 2 others).  Pray for God to fill their hearts and minds with His songs. Psa. 40:3

Team:  Outreach ministry and prayer with CT church plant in Llanishen – Pray today that the team would receive a special revelation of God’s love,  and that they can then share with others.  1John 4:16-18

June 25, Tuesday   Cardiff -  “Caleb Prayer” from Ffald-y-Brenin – O high King of Heaven, have mercy on our land.  Revive your church.  Send the Holy Spirit for the sake of your children.  May your Kingdom come to our nation.  In Jesus’ mighty name.  Amen

June 26, Wednesday   Cardiff- Prayer walking, and team running “Breakthrough Prayer Event”. Habakkuk 3:2 – Lord, I have heard of your fame.  I stand in awe of your name, O Lord.  Revive your work in the midst of our days and in our time.  In wrath, remember mercy.

June 27, Friday Travel to London –  team’s final day and night in U.K.. Pray that the Lord will be honored as the team spends time saying good-bye and talking about all that the Lord has done.  “Then those who feared the Lord talked with each other, and the Lord listened and heard.  A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the Lord and honored his name.  Malachi 3:16

June 28, Saturday   Travel home – Pray again for protection for travel, no lost luggage and sleep on the plane.  Psalm 91, Psalm 4:8

General Prayers for Wales:

• ·         Pray for church leaders and fellowships with a clear vision to witness and serve faithfully, many of them in hard and unreceptive areas.
• ·         Pray that revival may come again and that the entire country will again sing the praises of Jesus.·      Pray that the Holy Spirit might breath upon the Welsh culture and revive congregations to again be a blessing to the world   
• ·         Pray for Wales’ team leaders:  Brad and Andrea Parsley 

Co-leaders: Jonathan Moos, and Anne Porter